Broken

What happens when the super glue holding your heart back together seems to be giving out again? I heard a song once that said how do you mend a broken heart?, I wish I had the answer, I wish I knew someone who had the answer. I feel my heart has been ripped out of my chest thrown on the ground and kicked time after time after time. Really what do you do when the apologies seem empty? When it seems like the only reason for the I'm sorry is so they can get what they want...I know sometimes you accept the apology and think you move on, but there are the times when you have been hurt so bad that you can't move on...It is good to vent, it is good to have someone to talk to, but you feel bad always complaining or venting out your problems to your friend, even though they say that is what they are here for. You still feel bad. Its not always your love who breaks your heart either... when you are a mom or a dad there are so many things that can rip your heart to shreds. Your kids getting hurt, your kids being sad, your kids not listening to you. There seems to always be something just waiting for you to have a good day so it can squash it.  But really it comes back to how do you mend a broken heart? Maybe I need to find the song and see what it says. You never know it may not be to wrong...

What Happened????????????

 

Having a daughter can sometimes be fun! Especially when history repeats itself! I remember being a 12 year old girl and being completely obsessed with New Kids On The Block and Vanilla Ice!!!!!! I had posters from Bop! magazine covering every inch of my wall! I mean my obsession was bad! Looking back on it 20 years (HOLY FREAKIN CRAP ITS BEEN 20YEARS!!) ago, it was quite a time. I had all the tapes, heck I even had a record, The barbie dolls, t-shirts, blankets, backpacks, and just about anything I could get my hands on! Honestly I think I even shaved part of my eyebrow to match Vanilla Ice's. Yeah it was extreme!! BBBUUUTTTTT............... at least they all looked like DUDES!!!!!!! You could tell they were guys!!! Sure the hair was out there! And lets not even get started on 80s fashion, but come on!! They sounded like dudes!

 

Now my daughter is listening to these teeny popper boy bands and I can't tell if they are boys or girls!! Has our society been pushed too hard about feminism that the men are trying to be more femine? Guys are not supposed to be PRETTY!! They are rough and dirty and strong....... Oh sorry drooling moment! I'm just scared my tomboy little girl will end up with a guy she is more manly than!!! And I have 4 boys! There is no way I am going to teach them how to pluck their eyebrows!! Maybe I am too critical, or maybe all these new boy groups are REALLY girls!!!!!!!!!!  

So I will end this crazy post with one more thing. To Justin Beiber's mom; I really hope you are proud of your daughter!!!!!!

Finally Accepting who I am....

Tonight something happened that I really cant say has ever happened to me before... I stepped out of the shower, and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror...Now this is something I always try to avoid...but as I said for the first time ever I saw myself and accepted myself for the way I am, a little bigger in some areas and smaller in others,a mess of curly red hair, and some crazy dark circles under my eyes. Now as a mother of 3 I have many stretch marks, and my skin wont go back to where it was before, I have what I like to call a flat butt, and my boobs fall a little further than I would like. Even with all of that I finally see I don't have to be what others think is perfect, for myself to think I am perfect the way I am... I don't have to kill myself to fit into smaller clothes, or cut my hair a certain way, and those scars on the side of my mouth didn't chase my husband off so maybe they aren't as noticeable as I seem to think. I know tomorrow while getting out of the shower I may see myself and go right back to hating what I see, I really hope I don't, and I really hope any woman who reads this will stop and look at themselves and say what have I been so afraid of? I am beautiful the way I am, and accept themselves the way they are. It is OK to want to change yourself for you , just make sure it is for you and no one else. Stick thin, Curvy or somewhere in the middle you are who you are and you are beautifully made!!!